Study after study has shown that the most consistent source of good moods is hanging out with other people. Today I have a little tip that will help make your moments with other people even more enjoyable.
idea is simple: Keep your eye out for something you really like about
the person you're talking to, and say it. I know this isn't
earth-shattering advice, but it is something we all need to be reminded
of because if we don't make any effort to do otherwise, the natural
orientation of our minds is noticing what's wrong.
The human brain has a negative bias. You can read all about that here.
Because of that, you have to deliberately try to notice what you like
or your attention will be dominated by your own brain's negative bias.
This effort is completely worth it, however, because it will boost your
mood and the other person's mood as well.
So today, try
an experiment. Give five good compliments before this day is done. Make
sure what you say is true and specific. Phony flattery is unnecessary.
If you look, you will find plenty you can honestly acknowledge. And be
specific about what you like because then the person can't reject your
compliment. If you say, "You're really nice," they might think of all
the times they weren't nice, and reject your compliment in their minds.
But you could be more specific: "You were very kind to that old woman. I
like that about you." This honest, specific statement is much harder to
reject, which means it can penetrate their heart and make you both feel
One bonus side-effect of your effort is that you
will keep your attention on more pleasant things while you're looking
for what you like. It's a great way to raise your mood.
Adam Khan is the author of Principles For Personal Growth, Slotralogy, Antivirus For Your Mind, and co-author with Klassy Evans of How to Change the Way You Look at Things (in Plain English). Follow his podcast, The Adam Bomb.