In Lewis Andrews' excellent book, To Thine Own Self Be True, he says, "To the extent we compromise our integrity to make an attractive image of ourselves, we lose contact with our natural enthusiasm. We become contrived, artificial… bored."
I thought that was rather interesting and then I went on about my business.
one day I realized how it works. Trying to make an attractive image is
not as unusual or rare as I thought. We do it a lot. People expect you
to be something in particular, and you expect yourself to act a certain
way also — often. The trouble with that is: It leaves you with no
flexibility, no freedom, and thus no enthusiasm for living.
used to comment on my attitude — I was so cheerful and full of life so
often. After my first book was published, people began to expect me to
be in a great mood all the time. After all, I wrote a book on how to
improve your attitude.
I didn't want to disappoint
them. I wanted them to think well of me and my book. I wanted to prove
the stuff was good. But every moment I spent trying to live up to an
image ruined my attitude. It sapped my enthusiasm. It was stressful and
it made me resentful of those people for their unrealistic expectations
of me. That's when Andrew's meaning hit home. When you try to live up to
an image, he said, it kills your natural enthusiasm for living.
I realized that, I deliberately started doing what I wanted, and had
the determination to make sure I didn't do anything to live up to
someone else's expectations. And you know what? I was in a great mood.
That very day, for the first time in a long time, someone commented on
my great attitude.
Opera singer Rise Stevens had a lot
of poise and confidence on stage, but she wasn't comfortable hanging
around with others. "My discomfort came from trying to be something I
was not," she said, "a star in the drawing room as well as on stage. If a
clever person made a joke, I tried to top it — and failed. I pretended
to be familiar with subjects I knew nothing of…"
then she had a personal revelation. She says, "I realized that I simply
wasn't a wit or an intellectual and that I could succeed only as myself.
I began listening and asking questions at parties instead of trying to
impress the guests. When I spoke, I tried to contribute, not to shine.
Almost at once I started feeling new warmth in my social contacts. They
liked the real me better."
Whenever you feel yourself
harden into a fixed persona, break out! Whenever you lack natural
enthusiasm for living, find out where you're trying to live up to
someone's expectation (including your own) and break out of it. Start
creating your life again right from that point, as an artist would take
down a painted canvas and put up a new blank one.
price you'll pay is that you will, in fact, disappoint people more
often. And you always have the choice: Live up to someone's expectations
or have a natural enthusiasm for living. Choose one and then the other
for awhile, just to get a feel for the difference in results. Eventually
you'll settle on freeing yourself from trying to live up to an image
and you'll relax and be yourself.